Diary
by hopelesslyhalfhearted
Summary: Random excerpts from the diary of Dr Alexander.
1. Chapter 1

Sun 24th Jan 2010

**2pm- **Must start waking up before lunch on day off, probably on list of resolutions, will try find it later to see what else failing at. Checked answering machine, 1 from Harry and 1 from Leo. Harry first.

"_Just calling to see if you wanted a lift tonight, you're probably still asleep, lazy arse_." Tonight? Wracked brain. Mind filled with thoughts of forgetting big conference/lecture/other important thing. Checked calendar, had nothing marked in. Looked through papers, still nothing. Phone rang. Julie from lab inviting to drinks tonight.

"Sorry, Jules, already arranged something," For once, not a lie, though don't know what it is I'm doing.

"No problem," Very quick phone call really. Looked down to see the red light flashing, realised forgotten to check Leo's message.

"_Hey, it's Leo," _Don't understand why he feels need to say his name every time he leaves message, have explained about caller ID before. _"Just wondering if you wanted to come round for dinner tonight with me and Janet," _Another person would have to say no to because of unidentified plans with Harry. _"Oh, and Harry too," _Mystery solved.

**7pm- **Phoned Harry about timing, said he'd come at 7:30pm. Didn't mention initial panic at his message, not worth the teasing. Watched V. Long Engagement, which is actually V. long film. Rushed to get ready, now half hour early. Will have quick go on minesweeper.

**7:45pm- **Late. Can't find bag, swear left in kitchen. Have to go without it, means no mobile or make up. Can borrow Janet's if see emotional story on news and mascara runs.

**9pm- **Harry didn't believe was actually ready early, neither did Leo. Janet didn't either, but no teasing from her, so not offended. L and J going away for Valentine's, realised haven't had proper Valentine's date in 2 years. Feel like Miss Havisham.

**11pm- **He kissed me. On lips. Full on snog. Right on doorstep. Feel faint.

**11:53pm- **V. confused. Hadn't touched alcohol all night (v. responsible, knew he was driving) so he was not drunk. But kissed me anyway. V. confused. Should talk to him tomorrow, maybe. Normally phone best friend in situation like this, but can't for obvious reasons.


	2. Chapter 2

Sun 14th Feb 2010

**7am- **Woke up early to catch postman, no Valentines. Bit disappointed. Realise Harry probably doesn't do arbitrary event like Valentine's, much too clever. Prob goes against strict avoidance of all things romantic/cute/cheesy. Still, little upset. Spent £45 on aftershave, will give Leo for birthday instead.

**7:11am- **Realised posted card with message suggesting I had bought present. Need replacement present, refuse to give him £45 present when received nothing (not even card), will go to Thorton's. Still annoyed, got him expensive card instead of usual Card Factory crap.

**8am- **Harry arrived at door wearing jodhpurs, riding boots and posh boy polo shirt.

"What are you wearing?" Tried best not to laugh, as he looked v. embarrassed already.

"Suitable attire for whisking you off to the countryside."

"Whisking me off to the countryside?"

"I've been getting riding lessons so I could...you know...whisk you off to the countryside," Remembered having conversation with Janet about riding, with Harry and Leo looking v. confused as we did. Feel v. guilty for thinking he didn't deserve silly aftershave, must have done lots of preparation for today, spent much more than measly £45.

Pulled him inside and quickly hunted down gear.

**10am- **V. nice stables. Given horse called Lucky. Laughed when Harry got introduced to his.

"This is Star," The plumpish lady seemed to be giving off signals that screamed 'I was going to be a professional jumper, but instead I'm stuck serving city idiots, who I don't trust with my horses, like you,' "She usually only gets ridden by kids, so be careful,"

**2pm- **Harry fell off 5 times, was very macho about it, didn't complain once, not even when laughed at by inconsiderate girlfriend. Told him he was v. good rider considering he'd only had 5 lessons. I fell once. Also v. nice about this, got off his horse quickly and helped me up, delicately wiped mud off face with thumb, in style of Pride & Prejudice or similar. Now taking me for late lunch at traditional country pub; I have perfect boyfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

Fri 7th May 2010

**3pm- **Nothing to do all day. Before lunch fantasised about being part of CSI murder case, discovering vital clue, solving whole mystery, and getting far more involved in case than any real pathologist would. Want CSI to be real (though don't want to be one of victims or friend/family of victim, or friend/family of murderer) Realise CSI fantasy world not all it's cracked up to be. Lunch v. boring, Harry had to finish up on some case from earlier in week.

**5pm- **Hoorah. Finished.

**5:02pm- **Forgot about dinner with Harry's mum. All happiness gone, replaced by fear and anxiety.

**5:09pm- **Told Harry I had headache, didn't seem very sympathetic.

"You've been dodging it for 2 months, Niks," V. offended he didn't believe me, although v. impressed I have boyfriend who knows me so well he can tell when I lie. V. good sign. "I don't even see what the problem is," Said quick goodbye to Leo before continuing conversation outside. "You've met her before,"

"But not as your _girlfriend_," I had made this point before; he continued to not understand it, v. frustrating.

"My mother has been trying to get me to make you my _girlfriend,_" Didn't appreciate him impersonating me. "Since she met you," Let impersonating incident slide, he did the stroking cheek with thumb thing, v. distracting.

"Liar,"

"I actually think over the past few years the thing she's hated most is any sentence involving the words Nikki and boyfriend."

**6:30pm- **Let ourselves in, Mrs C looked v. busy in kitchen, gave us both quick hug before returning to stew like substance. Surprised, was expecting Spanish inquisition.

**8pm- **Harry went to toilet and Mrs C said amazing thing.

"You know Nikki," Stopped eating delicious veg stew so could give full attention. "You don't need to worry about pleasing me," Took big gulp, expecting 'You're never going to be good enough, no matter what you do' to follow. "I think I loved you even before Harry knew he did," Mother's approval, hoorah. Boyfriend telling mother he loves me, double hoorah. Couldn't resist smiling like crazed lunatic.


	4. Chapter 4

Thu 30th Dec 2010

**3pm- **First proper argument with Harry, entirely my fault. Said no when asked to move in. Stupid. Must find chocolate stash.

**3:41pm- **Realised enormity of mistake. Played morning events over in mind.

"I just...I think we're moving too fast, I mean, you only started having a drawer a few months ago," Realised said wrong thing.

"A drawer? Wow. I should be more grateful, shouldn't I? I mean a whole drawer!" V. sarcastic and bitter, wish had time machine like Back to the Future and could erase silly mistake. "How long do I get to stay at drawer status before I'm worthy of a promotion? 6 months? A year? 2 years?"

**3:53pm- **Can see self as Susan Boyle like character, dying alone with cats as only friends, not being found until weeks after death when postman notices funny smell, by which time I shall have been mauled by kitties to extent where must be identified by dental records. Funeral shall be similar to Eleanor Rigby's.

**4:01pm- **Decided to write list of reasons for saying no:

_ 1. Am stupid _

_ 2. Am v. stupid_

_ 3. Commitment phobia _

_ 4. Alcohol was still in blood stream from 4 nights ago_

_ 5. All flaws will be revealed (slouching about in unattractive manner; wearing embarrassing jumpers when cold; large, ugly knickers) _

**4:03pm- **Revised list, crossed off 4.

**4:06pm- **Crossed off 5. Realised Harry already seen knickers, and also wears embarrassing jumpers.

**4:07pm- **Imagining threatening calls from Mrs C for breaking only son's heart. Maybe won't even live long enough to become Susan Boyle like character.

**8pm- **Couldn't bear it anymore, went to Harry's. Apologized, said I'd love to move in. He knew I was worried, so suggested, if I wanted, I could keep my place, as a backup, though also assured me no backup needed. Cuddled up on sofa.

"I hope it's not this dramatic when I ask you to marry me," Think he thought I was asleep.

Feel like giddy schoolgirl.


	5. Chapter 5

Fri 4th Feb 2011

**11pm- **Agreed Alexander-Cunningham or Cunningham-Alexander sound silly & too long. Had moved onto subject of name after Harry got bored of florist brochures.

"Miss Alexander,"

"Yep?"

"There is a vital piece of information missing; one which I believe may help us greatly in our quest for an answer." Like it when he draws circles on back, v. comforting. Also like when he puts on serious lawyer like voice, so join in with game.

"Whatever could it be?"

"Your middle name," Sat up abruptly.

"No, you are not using this as an excuse," Used best telling off voice.

"You can't go into a marriage with secrets, darling,"

"No." He did the puppy dog eyes. "No." Gently pushed me back down, leant over me. V. seductive.

"It's vital, I mean, what if your middle name was Alexandra? We're can't have you being called Nicola Alexandra Alexander for the rest of your life, even though we had an opportunity to change it,"

"You are not finding out my middle name."

**11:17pm- **Fiancée has v. good method of extracting information. Will ban kissing in future similar situations.

"Francis,"

"Francis?" Didn't appreciate laughter. "Aww, come on. I was expecting Gertrude or Ethel or something, Francis is pretty normal," Continued sulk and refused to talk to him.

**11:32pm- **"If you're still interested," Pretended not to be interested, but was very, so slyly lifted head off pillow a little to reach full listening potential. "I think you'd suit being Mrs Nicola Francis Cunningham."

Made mental note to remind him never to call me Nicola again. Also will ban usage of Francis in any context.

Despite this, agree with his choice.


	6. Chapter 6

Fri 9th Dec 2011

**8am- **Had argument about Xmas shopping on way to work. Think must be done soon, only 2 weeks 2 days. Also, need decorations as first Xmas living together. Also, must buy cookbook as now married, so must become domestic goddess. Will try perfect Xmas dinner.

**9:13am- **Nothing to do. Reproached shopping subject. Harry says pointless buying decorations, as will just make more mess during move. Realise won't change opinion, so will buy in secret like sly, crafty person. Moved onto presents, he has no argument. Got Leo for second opinion.

"I think Janet's already got them," Yes. Result. Will have to take me shopping now, as closest friend has already bought our presents. "Not sure though, I just leave her to it, causes more hassle than it's worth," V. smug smile on husband's face.

**11:56am- **Still not changing mind. May use crafty seduction techniques. Will have to wait for lunch break.

**4pm- **No chance to use crafty seduction, had case. Also no lunch, v. hungry.

**4:11pm- **"If it shuts you up, I'll take you to that big centre place, it's meant to be open till late," Hoorah.

**8pm- **Next year will go shopping alone with Janet. Had to leave husband at coffee place after 2 hours, couldn't stand moaning. List of things bought:

_4 metre tinsel x 15_

_Baubles x 30_

_Chocolate baubley things x 20 (had 30, but got hungry)_

_M & S gift card for J _

_Model aircraft kit thing for L_

_Doctor toy box and dress up for Thomas (v. cute, can't wait to have own child to dress up)_

_Socks & Tie for Harry_

_Delilah Smith cookbook for Mrs C _

_Chocolate tool box thing for Mrs C's boyfriend (Harry will appreciate as thinks boyfriend is a bit of a tool)_

_Cookbook for self_

_Thornton's truffles x 10 (for co-workers)_

Got lots of stocking filler things.

**9:30pm- **Have 3 Xmas day options.

_Leo, Janet and Thomas_

_Mrs C and boyfriend_

_Stay at home, have coupley Xmas_

Can't decide. Harry says Mrs C has wanted family Xmas for long time. Also, Mrs C's boyfriend has bought v. large turkey. Leo & Janet invited first, but not sure if expected to spend Xmas with mother-in-law, so should have known was going be invited. Like idea of family Xmas, imagine sitting around in knitted jumpers, laughing at cracker jokes and hearing Harry childhood stories. Though, Xmas with Leo last year was v. similar.

**9:42pm- **Have decision. Will have Christmas morning as couple, will then have lunch with Mrs C, then spend evening with L & J. Perfect. Harry also said will get taxi to and from Mrs C's, so can drink. V. clever.

**10:13pm- **Realised will now not have opportunity to become domestic goddess with Xmas dinner cooking. Will have to make v. good breakfast.


	7. Chapter 7

Sat 31st Dec 2011

**11:50am- **Love lazy mornings. Spent 30 mins working out whizzy thing that makes frothy milk (pressie from J & L) Proper cappuccinos at home. Fab. Party at Leo's. Thought it was good idea to make everyone fancy dress. Refuse to look like idiot, need to think of idea quick. Harry wanted Blues Brothers with L, but L & J being Danny & Sandy. Hate Grease; refuse to go as Pink Lady.

**2pm- **MAD MEN.

**7pm- **Mad rush searching for 60's clothes. Found v. nice vintage shop, now proud owner of amazing red dress, shoes and v. large pearl necklace.

**8pm- **For once, look like most sophisticated people at party. 4 years ago went with v. unsuitable man as Tarzan & Jane; now have v. dashing & charming Don Draper on arm. Will make Harry wear it again, though not to important occasion, too distracting.

**10pm- **My god. Janet makes best party food. Now have food in belly can drink, will not get too drunk, try please Harry.

**11:30pm- **Felt all dizzy, think drank too much in too little time. Went upstairs, now on spare bed. Really comfy, v. nice bouncy mattress.


	8. Chapter 8

Sun 1st Jan 2012

**11:13am- **Hate hangovers. Can't remember anything that happened after last diary entry. Stupid alcohol. V. glad actually woke up in own bed. Not sure how got here though.

**11:28am- **Got brought breakfast in bed. Being married is brilliant.

"It's lucky you're only skin and bones," Looked up from scrambled egg, not sure where he was going. "You were out like a light, I had to carry you. I did find a replacement woman for my midnight kiss; she was a hell of a lot better than you,"

"Damn, I thought we'd last at least a year until divorce papers were needed,"

"Really? I was expecting to have gotten rid of you a few weeks after the honeymoon."

Enjoy morning conversations v. much. Also, now have picture in mind of Harry carrying me like Prince Charming, all dressed up in sexy Mad Men suit. Will ask to do it again now I'm conscious.


	9. Chapter 9

Thu 23rd Aug 2012

**11am- **Ok. Have speech prepared. Must practice. Will memorise if last thing I do.

**11:32am- **Very odd. Harry got phone call, went outside to take it, came back in and now saying must leave.

"What's wrong?" Realised looked bit pale.

"Nothing," Might have imagined it, but think saw him shaking as packed up briefcase. Didn't believe his assurance. "Really, Niks, there's nothing to worry about," If there's nothing to worry about why didn't he just tell me what it was? "Just knock 'em dead tonight, ok? You'll be brilliant," He wasn't going to be there?

"Well, it must be pretty important if you're missi..."

"Nikki, please, just this once, don't be stubborn and just trust me,"

**3pm- **No way can concentrate on speech. Does he realise being all mysterious about it makes me worry more? V. annoying. Tried asking Leo, but said didn't know either. Have feeling is lying.

**4pm- **Chocolate bar count: 7. Hate compulsive need to comfort eat.

**5:21pm- **Hoorah for Janet. Feel little better. Wish he would at least text me.

**9pm- **I did it! No mistakes, no forgetting, nothing! Perfect. Whole 20 minute speech to room full of people probably cleverer than me! Have been congratulated by v. many people have never seen in life. This is brilliant.

**9:41pm- **Finally, Harry. Will go outside, can't hear properly in here.

**9:45pm- **_"How did it go?" _Sounded v. different to normal Harry. Knew something was wrong straight away.

"It was amazing."

"_Good," _

"How was your day?"

"_Errr...not so good." _Crap. _"Niks, I need you to come to the hospital." _Whole double-decker bus full of crap.

**10:11pm- **Spent whole journey worrying about what the hell he could have done to himself. Now can't even find a bloody parking space.

**10:19pm- **Rushed into the reception area and took one look at the amount of people waiting. Phoned him again.

"_I'll come meet you." _He was allowed out of the bed?

**10:24pm- **He didn't even say anything, just hugged me, really tightly. If hadn't been so worried about him would have complained about difficulty breathing.

**10:26pm- **"They brought Mum in." My god. "She collapsed at a coffee morning." He didn't look like he had cried, but he definitely looked like he wanted to. "And they brought her in, and she seemed fine and she kept insisting it was just dehydration or something." Squeezed his hand, wasn't sure what else to do. "They did a CT scan." I think it was at this point that I understood what was going on. "She's got a brain tumour."

"Harry," Really had no idea what was meant to say. Maybe should have said it would all be ok, but I'm a doctor, knew there was no way could say that and truly believe it. He knew it too. "Do you want to go home or..."

"She'll be out until the morning." Stood up from v. uncomfy hospital seats (had stupid plasticy covery things on) "Can you drive?"


	10. Chapter 10

Fri 21st Sep 2012

**8am- **Really, really, really wish could get rid of bug. Third morning in row been sick. Also, Mrs C's operation today. Harry very worried.

**9am- **"Should I phone Janet?" Really angry at self for making Harry worry more, even though technically not my fault as did not ask for bug.

"Stop worrying about me," Batted away his attempts to check my temperature. "It's just a bug. I've phoned Leo and told him I won't be coming in."

"But..."

"Will you please leave me alone? I'm going to watch Mad Men and drink hot blackcurrant. I'll have a whale of a time."

**11:21am- **Harry texted to say Mrs C has gone into theatre. Janet phoned asking about some dinner date, will check calendar.

**11:49am- **Shit.

**11:51am- **No. That must be wrong. It can't be _that _long since I checked the calendar.

**11:54am- **How the hell did I not notice?

**11:59am- **Stupid, stupid, stupid. Too busy worrying about Mrs C and stupid bloody office quiz night, didn't even notice must obvious signs. Pathetic excuse for doctor.


	11. Chapter 11

Sat 22ndSep 2012

**11am- **Was out like light last night, think was asleep before Harry got home. Must have carried me to bed again. Why does he always have to do it when I'm asleep/drunkenly unconscious? V. glad that he let me have lie in instead of waking me up as usual. Though now really want him to hurry up with run and come home, as must see what happened with Mrs C.

**11:11am- **Will make breakfast to help pass time. Will wait till Friends has finished. Episode with prom video tape, can't miss ending, as is best.

**11:16am- **He is home. Will do breakfast after talk.

**11:41am- **Not sure about Mrs C yet, will have to wait until Monday to see if have got all of tumour removed. Fingers crossed. Will begin eggs.

**11:46am- **"You don't need to make breakfast," He had lovely messy hair from just being out of shower. Looked better than has in past few weeks, no baggy eyes. Think maybe more hopeful about Mrs C.

"Why not?"

"Well, it's almost lunch time," He laughed. Have missed laugh.

"Shut up," Continued with egg scrambling procedure.

"Seriously, you're meant to be ill," Ok. Talking of being ill. Still haven't quite worked out how/when to tell him. Think will wait until after Mrs C's results, then news will add to happiness of finding out mother is cured.

"I feel fine," Was true, I did.

"We're still missing the quiz night, though, right?"

"Whenever did we say we were missing quiz night?"

"Well...I just presumed that, seeing as you've been seemingly intent on throwing up your organs for the past few days..."

"You're not getting out that easily. I have been revising,"

"Niks, please," Turned around and gave him my 'I'm serious' look. "There's no point revising anyway, Zack's the worst quiz master in the world,"

"Are you _still _upset about last year?"

"He asked where the Live 8 concert was held. There was more than one venue, not just Hyde Park! I put all the bloody places down, I deserved a point!"


End file.
